I Hope Hannah B. Doesn’t Get Engaged On ‘The Bachelorette’ Here’s Why Betches

Whatever your feelings are on the new Bachelorette pick, I think we can agree: the last few seasons have been severely lacking. Becca Kufrin and Rachel Lindsay handled themselves with grace, don’t get me wrong. But they also both wound up with supremely disappointing mates: Becca’s, a man who liked memes so offensive they made my eyes water; and Rachel’s, well, a man who isn’t Peter Kraus. (This is not just Peter-favoritism; Vulture, The New Yorker, and The New York Times all agree with me.) On the flip side, the last two Bachelor seasons have ended with our suitor saying “f*ck it” and doing whatever he wants, regardless of how it messes with show protocol or their runner-ups’ emotions. And sadly, I have more faith in both of …

This Is Who Is Statistically Most Likely To Win ‘The Bachelorette’ Betches

Bachelorettedon’t convince my friends to place their wagers, I like to be as informed as possible. And thankfully for us, the kind folks at sent me over the odds! Sports Betting Dime provides expert picks and industry data on sports and entertainment. I wonder if they’ll also provide the odds of whether I’ll ever be able to forget the sound of Colton shaking like a leaf on national television, because I see that in my nightmares! Let’s take a look at the odds they pulled for us before last night’s premiere! How did they come up with these odds, you say? I’m glad you asked, because they provided a very helpful paragraph about that and I didn’t even have to …

5 Gym Bags That Aren’t Ugly & Will Fit All Your Sh*t Betches

Going to the gym is hard enough, and being ill prepared only makes it that much harder. There’s nothing worse than booking an overpriced gym class to arrive and find that you forgot your sneakers or sports bra. Scratch that, maybe the worst thing is finally getting the motivation to go to the gym and work out yourself, without the aide of some overly peppy fitness model to motivate you, only to realize you forgot your water bottle and headphones. It’s like, do I go home and get my stuff? No, because then I know I’ll sit on the couch and fall into a Netflix blackhole. But how do you push yourself through a workout with no water or music?? …

What Going To Coachella Parties Taught Me About Pretending To Be Famous Betches

That random girl, by the way, was me. Hi. But I did not have the requisite diminutive sunglasses or mesh dress over a bikini, so it was probably pretty obvious that I was not anyone cool. Instead, I was wearing my beat-up Nike sneakers I got at an outlet a few years ago that were covered in Indio dust, a red lace-up Maaji bikini, and some lace-up white shorts from Mystique Boutique, a chain that carries clothing of such caliber that it makes Forever 21 look like Givenchy. We arrived to the estate in said Lyft, which proved to be the move because they were literally not allowing people to walk up to the venue. Some weird form of classism, …

I’m A Trainer And I Don’t RunHere’s Why Betches

I hate endurance running, and I know I’m not alone. If my clients come to me and tell me they hate running, I will never make them run. I am a strong believer in making fitness NOT torture, so I will never force clients to do something they absolutely have an aversion to. My own personal reasons for making running my absolute last choice (and I mean LAST, like this is if I was stuck on some desert island and all I had to work with was a track to work with. Actually, not even then, I would just do some sprint/walk intervals instead of running for straight 45 minutes) of cardiovascular activity go much further than just my own …

Kris Humphries Has A Lot To Say About His Marriage To Kim Kardashian Betches

It’s a momentous day. It appears as though, finally, Kris Humphries’ NDA has expired, and he was allowed to speak about his marriage to Kim Kardashian for what feels like the first time. Is it the actual first time ever? Probably not, but I don’t have the time or patience to go down that rabbit hole of disappointment. In case you’re one of those people who pretends to be too cool to know who the Kardashians are, allow me to give you a quick refresher: Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian were famously married for 72 days. They were dating less than a year before Kris popped the question, which I just feel is indicative of things to come. (And yes, …

Here’s How The Celebrity College Admissions Scandal Actually Worked Betches

Get ready for all of your Full House fantasies to be shattered because Aunt Becky is in hot water. Lori Loughlin, Felicity Huffman and many other wealthy families were indicted yesterday on charges of mail fraud for using bribes to get their kids into elite colleges. On paper, these celebs were merely donating to charities that help “disadvantaged students,” but in reality the students they were helping are the opposite of disadvantaged. It was their own f*cking kids. Here’s how it all went down: rich people paid a man named William Rick Singer thousands of dollars to finagle their children into elite colleges like Harvard, Yale, and USC. Singer had a number of methods for rigging the system, including hiring …